Love is such a strong and confusing thing that most people think they love someone just because they meet them and have things in common with them or can get away from their problems by being with someone else. But they are wrong for that is not what love is at all and people who think it is are in need of help. Love is something that builds over time and changes a person inside and out. It is a feeling that is very deep and powerful and hard to explain fully but once you find it you will know it. You will be happy,complete,fulfilled,able to know that the person who gives you this feeling is worthy and you will be faithful and honest with them. Love is something I have experienced for several but only been IN LOVE with two and now one of them has my heart and soul completely and I would never think of cheating on him or anything. Love has taken hold of me with this one person and fills me with such hope and longing and happiness even though the person can cause me sadness. Love is powerful and I know that I am in love with this one person and know that it is love not lust or anything sexual.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Saturday, February 2, 2008
lost and confused
I sit here right now wondering what to do about things in my life. I feel as if I am losing half of my heart,soul,mind and body yet do not know what to do. Is it possible for one person to truly become a part of you where you feel half there when they are not around yet complete when they are? If so, then I have found the one who does that to me. I found that person long ago and yet I fear I will never be able to make them happy yet they make me happy and I love them for who they really are. There are other things in my life that are making me wonder and I try to talk about them but I just do not know how to do so. It is easier for me to keep things bottled up then to talk. I feel so alone and tired yet I know I have people in my life who love me and are here for me. I am so tempted to go back to my old self yet somehow keep a part of the person I have become lately.I guess I should just let the part of me that wants to go back to old ways win for then I do not feel pain or anything. I do not know what to do and that makes me confused.
crying
tear drops fall from my eyes as i get ready to say bye to this world again for I have nothing to stay in this body for. I have lost my love twice and have helped this body get so very far already. I did not mean to fall in love yet it happened and I was hoping to have a chance with the one i love but I guess i am not worthy of having the chance with him. he rather be with someone new who doesn't know him like I do nor will ever love him as much as I do either nor let him be himself without any worries. I hate the fact that I am in this body that has hurt him but I can't help it so i have tired to make the best of it and show him that I am in love with him and want him. I would do anything to be with him and show him what he means to me. Wish I could have the chance to show him that and be happy like the body has had and blown. I'd not lie to him or anything but I guess my love for him is stronger and more real than anything.
So i sit here crying feeling pain in my heart and soul as I get ready to leave the body and most likely not come back. wish so much that my love would love me like i do him and give us a chance since i'm not like the one who hurt him.
bye world and take care
So i sit here crying feeling pain in my heart and soul as I get ready to leave the body and most likely not come back. wish so much that my love would love me like i do him and give us a chance since i'm not like the one who hurt him.
bye world and take care
to one who has my heart
I have given you my heart,soul,mind,body and trust which are all things that are hard for me to do but I did them with you. I trust you with my love and love you unconditionally. You have had me for so long and now that there have been problems between you and this body you seem to not care that I am not the one who hurt you or anything and that you hurt me. I fight so hard for you to see me as one who you can love and who truly does love you and wants only you. I fight to show you how happy we are together and can still be if you would just be with only me like you say you wish to be. I put my soul and heart into the emails,cards,gifts and things i send to you or write you and stuff to show you how much I truly am In love with you and want you. I try to show you how special you are to me and how much you mean to me. You know that when you were gone before, I was dead and alone till you came back then I was happy and complete again. We have a bond that no other will ever be able to share with me or with you. My love for you has always been here and always will for you are the one of my heart and soul. you captured it a very long time ago and have yet to let go. When I think of the fact that I may be alone in this relationship and I may lose you again due to stupid reasons, I feel the pieces of my heart break and they stab me and I do not feel the pain till its too late.I trust you more than I do anyone else and I open up to you more than anyone else, too. Yet, now I wonder at times if you truly do love me and mean what you say or if you are just playing me for fool like so many say you are. I cry at night due to the confusion and pain I feel over all this yet when I look at the pics of us and think of the wonderful times we've shared and fact that we still have plans set to get married, I smile and wish for it all to be true. Why must I be IN LOVE with you if you do not want me or truly love me? Why must I suffer for what Tina did to you when all I have ever done is love you,talk to you, be here for you and be a good girlfriend/wife to you? You have my heart and I have told you that I never want it back and that is true for if you give it back then I am truly dead. You shall always be a part of me, my love. Why must you let fear keep you away from me when you have told me you love me and want me?I can not change what things have been done in past but I can show you that you are loved by me and wanted and hope that soon you will stop fighting what we have and be with me since Tina has told you that she will not be out with you. I love you and want you and always have and will. You are my love and life and I can not think of life without you again. Please stop fighting what we feel and give me a shot and let us be happy as we are when we hang out and such. You are the only one I have ever loved or will ever love and want my love. You and I help make each other better and let each other be our true selves and we are in love with each other at least I know for sure I m in love with you. I hate the fact that I am in this body that has hurt you in past but I am not her nor would I ever treat you like she has. You have told me that you know I am not her yet you treat me like her now and it kills me more than losing you did. You truly are the love of my life and the keeper of my heart and soul and always shall be. I want to know that the one who says he loves me, wants me,dreams of me and so forth means the words he says to me and does not say them just to make me happy. I want the man who lets me into his life like I do him and loves me as much as I love him and will give us the chance to be happy as are when we talk and hang out. My love for you will never die nor my dreams but please stop treating me like the one who hurt you and see me as the kitty that you call me and the girl you say you are in love with. I am yours till I die and my love is yours till then too. May we have the future that we have talked about and planned, my love. I love you and am only yours forever and always
Feeling lost and alone
sit here feeling as if I am alone in the world and as if all I hold dear is being lost to me yet again. the love of my life is in my life but lately has been treating me like he doesn't care and that hurts me. my life away from him is driving me crazy for I am battling two sides of myself- the good one that wants to keep on good path and the other being the part of me that was dead,not caring about life or anyone and did believe in love anymore. right now the old me is close to winning for my heart is ready to turn cold again since the one I am In Love with is afraid to be with me due to past yet tells me all the time that I am his, that he is in love with me and wants me. Why should I keep being good and feeling if all it gets me is pain?
the good side is still out for i keep being open about how I feel and want and letting people in though I hate it. I hate being torn inside and just want to be happy again like I was at the start of last year when I had my love holding me and we could talk and trust each other.
To be alone is a feeling I hate for I have been there way too much in my past yet at least before I did not feel pain or as if my world was gone.
Why must it be when I am over my fears and ready to be happy with my love that I must feel as if all is lost to me for good? WHY must I love someone who may never have truly loved me?
I just want to be loved and not feel dead anymore and to know that when someone says they are in love with me and want me that they mean it and will back it up with actions not just say the words. Maybe it is better to be lost and alone then to somewhat alive and feel your heart be crushed on floor by the one person who knows you better than anyone else and who you have loved for so long that its like breathing to you. I regret my part in our problems but if I have to lose him again then I would rather be dead and alone then to be alive and feel so cold again knowing I do not have the one who lets me be me and who has meant so much to me for so long.
so here i go wondering which way i am to go and if my love ever cared or not and feeling alone in the world again but this time not because i pushed it away but because i tried to be good and get better and just got hurt for it.
the good side is still out for i keep being open about how I feel and want and letting people in though I hate it. I hate being torn inside and just want to be happy again like I was at the start of last year when I had my love holding me and we could talk and trust each other.
To be alone is a feeling I hate for I have been there way too much in my past yet at least before I did not feel pain or as if my world was gone.
Why must it be when I am over my fears and ready to be happy with my love that I must feel as if all is lost to me for good? WHY must I love someone who may never have truly loved me?
I just want to be loved and not feel dead anymore and to know that when someone says they are in love with me and want me that they mean it and will back it up with actions not just say the words. Maybe it is better to be lost and alone then to somewhat alive and feel your heart be crushed on floor by the one person who knows you better than anyone else and who you have loved for so long that its like breathing to you. I regret my part in our problems but if I have to lose him again then I would rather be dead and alone then to be alive and feel so cold again knowing I do not have the one who lets me be me and who has meant so much to me for so long.
so here i go wondering which way i am to go and if my love ever cared or not and feeling alone in the world again but this time not because i pushed it away but because i tried to be good and get better and just got hurt for it.
Spell
This spell this curse that you weave upon me
Makes me hate you yet love you as well.
Why? Oh why must this
spell this curse be on me?
I long to be free of it
For its driving me crazy.
Take this spell of yours off of me, please.
Makes me hate you yet love you as well.
Why? Oh why must this
spell this curse be on me?
I long to be free of it
For its driving me crazy.
Take this spell of yours off of me, please.
Our Love
Our love is as rare as a blue diamond ring
And as beautiful as a sunset with all its colors.
We may fight like cats and dogs
Who hate each other yet makeup
As if we are newly wed.
Our love is pure and true
And hopefully strong like and Ox.
I hope that our love lasts for a very long time
For it always will in my heart.
And as beautiful as a sunset with all its colors.
We may fight like cats and dogs
Who hate each other yet makeup
As if we are newly wed.
Our love is pure and true
And hopefully strong like and Ox.
I hope that our love lasts for a very long time
For it always will in my heart.
night and death *two for one*
Night
Night falls upon us like a curtain coming down after a scene and the creatures come out to play. The nightly breeze blows against us soft and gentle as if caressing our skin yet cooling us down. Night is such a beautiful time and so peaceful with the moon hanging up high in the dark sky.
Death
Death is a phase of life that all one day shall face though some bring it to themselves early. Some folks fear death and its icy cold grasp while others see it for what it really is.. Just another phase of this life we life that will take us out of this world. Why fear a part of the cycle of life? Everyone will soon face Lady Deaths cold grasp...... Someday.
Night falls upon us like a curtain coming down after a scene and the creatures come out to play. The nightly breeze blows against us soft and gentle as if caressing our skin yet cooling us down. Night is such a beautiful time and so peaceful with the moon hanging up high in the dark sky.
Death
Death is a phase of life that all one day shall face though some bring it to themselves early. Some folks fear death and its icy cold grasp while others see it for what it really is.. Just another phase of this life we life that will take us out of this world. Why fear a part of the cycle of life? Everyone will soon face Lady Deaths cold grasp...... Someday.
I'm Sorry
If I could erase all the pain that I've caused you and fill it with days of joy instead I would. Yet all I can do is say sorry and ask for your forgiveness. Also say how special you are to me and you will forever be special to me. The pain I caused you was great indeed but yet so should the joys that we shared together. So I say it one more time.... I'm sorry.
Poseidon's Palace
Calm ocean ruled by a gentle God
Rough waves ruled by an angry God
Yet in reality they are the same God
Ruling over the same watery grave
Just in different ways to entice you.
Once in the water your fate is up to Poseidon
Whether he be merciful and let you live
or strike you down dead.
So be careful before you enter the
Calm ocean or the one with waves
For either way you are entering Poseidon's Palace
Ares' Wrath
Every time a war goes on my mind drifts to the thoughts
Of the Greek God Ares who was and still is the God of War.
I can hear him swinging his sword around from his great chariot pulled by horses delivering the death blow to so many of his enemies.
His blood thirst never fully quencehed always leaving him thirsty for more fights with more blood and more deaths to occur.
Darkness
Darkness of the night sky and wildness of the ocean
Met together on a autumn night
With the wind briskly blowing and the creatures hiding. It was a night for loved ones to be in
Yet I was out there to embrace it all
With no fear or worry only contentment showing.
I felt the waves spray me and the night
Cover me in her darkness making me feel connected to it all.
Met together on a autumn night
With the wind briskly blowing and the creatures hiding. It was a night for loved ones to be in
Yet I was out there to embrace it all
With no fear or worry only contentment showing.
I felt the waves spray me and the night
Cover me in her darkness making me feel connected to it all.
untitled
The nights grow colder as the days grow longer. My heart aches more and more each day as I miss my love, my soulmate, my True Love.
Each day it gets harder and harder for me to want to stay alive, but for the fact that some people would miss me and that he still loves me.
The pain still grows inside of me and the hurt haunts me till I want to go insane. I just want to get rid of this pain and hurt soon. All I do is think of my love, day in and out why can't he see the pain that I feel for it's the same with him, but he refuses to admit it. The hurt hurts more than the pain but it is less seeable. But to get rid of the pain and hurt my love has got to come back to me. I know that he loves me and that he wants me back, but he just won't ask me to be his, yet.
When my love comes back to me all the pain will go away. The nights and days will go back to normal and I shall be happy once again. Then no more tears will flow from my eyes.
Each day it gets harder and harder for me to want to stay alive, but for the fact that some people would miss me and that he still loves me.
The pain still grows inside of me and the hurt haunts me till I want to go insane. I just want to get rid of this pain and hurt soon. All I do is think of my love, day in and out why can't he see the pain that I feel for it's the same with him, but he refuses to admit it. The hurt hurts more than the pain but it is less seeable. But to get rid of the pain and hurt my love has got to come back to me. I know that he loves me and that he wants me back, but he just won't ask me to be his, yet.
When my love comes back to me all the pain will go away. The nights and days will go back to normal and I shall be happy once again. Then no more tears will flow from my eyes.
Friday, December 21, 2007
why?
why am IN LOVE with someone who may not love me?
why is it that he is the only one who completes me, gets me to open up so easy, gets me to be myself, trust him completely,and is the only man I have ever been able to fall IN LOVE with?
why is this one man the only man I have ever been able to see and feel a future with let alone a marriage?
why do I wish for him to see me differently then the one who hurt him though he may never do that?
why does it hurt to know that I love him so and want him so yet may never have him be with me the way we are meant to be?
why am I able to keep on putting on smiles when I just want to cry and hide?
why is it that I must suffer for being In Love with him, wanting him,caring about him and more just because I am part of the one who did hurt him?
why must he tell me he wants me and loves me and we are together yet he is not here with me?
why oh why must I be so IN LOVE with him yet not be able to be happy with him like I want to be?
I would never hurt him on purpose,lie to him,change him,or anything but be there for him, love him, care for him, cherish him, and so much more. We may have problems but I would be willing to talk them out,not push him away or ever cheat on him. I am in love with one person and wish he would give me a chance for I am not the one who hurt him and we have never had problems.
why must i hurt to be in love yet not want to stop being in love with him?
why won't you give me a shot when you say you love me,want me,see a future with me and are happiest when you are with me? why must you let fear keep you away from me?
why?????
why is it that he is the only one who completes me, gets me to open up so easy, gets me to be myself, trust him completely,and is the only man I have ever been able to fall IN LOVE with?
why is this one man the only man I have ever been able to see and feel a future with let alone a marriage?
why do I wish for him to see me differently then the one who hurt him though he may never do that?
why does it hurt to know that I love him so and want him so yet may never have him be with me the way we are meant to be?
why am I able to keep on putting on smiles when I just want to cry and hide?
why is it that I must suffer for being In Love with him, wanting him,caring about him and more just because I am part of the one who did hurt him?
why must he tell me he wants me and loves me and we are together yet he is not here with me?
why oh why must I be so IN LOVE with him yet not be able to be happy with him like I want to be?
I would never hurt him on purpose,lie to him,change him,or anything but be there for him, love him, care for him, cherish him, and so much more. We may have problems but I would be willing to talk them out,not push him away or ever cheat on him. I am in love with one person and wish he would give me a chance for I am not the one who hurt him and we have never had problems.
why must i hurt to be in love yet not want to stop being in love with him?
why won't you give me a shot when you say you love me,want me,see a future with me and are happiest when you are with me? why must you let fear keep you away from me?
why?????
Lost and confused
I sit here right now wondering what to do about things in my life. I feel as if I am losing half of my heart,soul,mind and body yet do not know what to do. Is it possible for one person to truly become a part of you where you feel half there when they are not around yet complete when they are? If so, then I have found the one who does that to me. I found that person long ago and yet I fear I will never be able to make them happy yet they make me happy and I love them for who they really are. There are other things in my life that are making me wonder and I try to talk about them but I just do not know how to do so. It is easier for me to keep things bottled up then to talk. I feel so alone and tired yet I know I have people in my life who love me and are here for me. I am so tempted to go back to my old self yet somehow keep a part of the person I have become lately.I guess I should just let the part of me that wants to go back to old ways win for then I do not feel pain or anything. I do not know what to do and that makes me confused.
does anyone know what its like...
to be in love with someone for nine years knowing that you have had good times as well as bad with that person and still do,knowing that you have both made mistakes and treated it like it was a teenage love thing till later on you realize what you both did and say you want to work on those problems yet one of you doesnt keep to that though tells you that they want you and know you belong together? To know that you feel complete and full when you are with them even apart but yet together you feel as if you have found your other half of your soul and heart and to know that they are the only one you wish to marry? To have let that person go once before and regretted it for the whole time they were gone?
I have and I am in love with someone who has had my heart and soul for the past 9 years now and counting and his name is Jason. He got me to trust him right away when we first met when I was 17 and he is the only person I know who I have let in fully and that is something that has scared me about him*not as much now*. It is part of reason why we broke up when I was 19 and I have regretted it big time since then for I felt dead when he was gone. Yet, when he came back last year, I felt whole again and as if my world was right again.We got real close again and when we saw each other last year it was as if nothing had changed and it felt right again. Sadly, my fears got a hold of me again and I withdrew from him and that caused us to have a miscommunication this year which I regret. That miscommunication is why he is now with me and another woman and torn as he says. We have talked about us and what we want from each other and both agree that we have to stop treating our love like we are teenagers and talk out our problems not run or push. We both have said that we belong together and never want to part. I wish we could be just with each other and forget the past and just work on our love and what we feel for each other like we have talked about with each other in the past month and the bond we know is there. He has told me that he thinks of us being together and wants it as much as i do.
I know that I love him and want him as my man and would love to have the future that we have always talked about. I have only been able to see,taste,feel and hear wedding when it comes to him. He makes me feel things I have never felt before and I know there is a reason why we fit together so greatly. If we were not meant to be then he would never have come back nor would we keep feeling as if we belong together.I feel like myself when I am with him and am able to be open with him. I feel as if no one understands me but him and that I do not have to hide anything from him which is wonderful. He is the only one to make my heart beat faster, to make me nervous yet happy, and to make me feel completely whole. Our love is the one thing that has gotten me through alot of things in the past several years and has helped me change the way my life was.
I am truly done running away and pushing him away for I know he is the one I love and wish to one day marry.
Jason, please give us another shot and let us give our love true chance for we both know we love each other and belong together. I am sorry for my part in the pain and like I told you that day we seriously talked I truly can see us making it if we talk out problems,stop letting others come between us and are honest with each other and not run/push. i love you and want you with me just like you say you want to be with me as well. Here is our chance to truly be together my love.
I love you and always have and will just like you
I have and I am in love with someone who has had my heart and soul for the past 9 years now and counting and his name is Jason. He got me to trust him right away when we first met when I was 17 and he is the only person I know who I have let in fully and that is something that has scared me about him*not as much now*. It is part of reason why we broke up when I was 19 and I have regretted it big time since then for I felt dead when he was gone. Yet, when he came back last year, I felt whole again and as if my world was right again.We got real close again and when we saw each other last year it was as if nothing had changed and it felt right again. Sadly, my fears got a hold of me again and I withdrew from him and that caused us to have a miscommunication this year which I regret. That miscommunication is why he is now with me and another woman and torn as he says. We have talked about us and what we want from each other and both agree that we have to stop treating our love like we are teenagers and talk out our problems not run or push. We both have said that we belong together and never want to part. I wish we could be just with each other and forget the past and just work on our love and what we feel for each other like we have talked about with each other in the past month and the bond we know is there. He has told me that he thinks of us being together and wants it as much as i do.
I know that I love him and want him as my man and would love to have the future that we have always talked about. I have only been able to see,taste,feel and hear wedding when it comes to him. He makes me feel things I have never felt before and I know there is a reason why we fit together so greatly. If we were not meant to be then he would never have come back nor would we keep feeling as if we belong together.I feel like myself when I am with him and am able to be open with him. I feel as if no one understands me but him and that I do not have to hide anything from him which is wonderful. He is the only one to make my heart beat faster, to make me nervous yet happy, and to make me feel completely whole. Our love is the one thing that has gotten me through alot of things in the past several years and has helped me change the way my life was.
I am truly done running away and pushing him away for I know he is the one I love and wish to one day marry.
Jason, please give us another shot and let us give our love true chance for we both know we love each other and belong together. I am sorry for my part in the pain and like I told you that day we seriously talked I truly can see us making it if we talk out problems,stop letting others come between us and are honest with each other and not run/push. i love you and want you with me just like you say you want to be with me as well. Here is our chance to truly be together my love.
I love you and always have and will just like you
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