sit here feeling as if I am alone in the world and as if all I hold dear is being lost to me yet again. the love of my life is in my life but lately has been treating me like he doesn't care and that hurts me. my life away from him is driving me crazy for I am battling two sides of myself- the good one that wants to keep on good path and the other being the part of me that was dead,not caring about life or anyone and did believe in love anymore. right now the old me is close to winning for my heart is ready to turn cold again since the one I am In Love with is afraid to be with me due to past yet tells me all the time that I am his, that he is in love with me and wants me. Why should I keep being good and feeling if all it gets me is pain?
the good side is still out for i keep being open about how I feel and want and letting people in though I hate it. I hate being torn inside and just want to be happy again like I was at the start of last year when I had my love holding me and we could talk and trust each other.
To be alone is a feeling I hate for I have been there way too much in my past yet at least before I did not feel pain or as if my world was gone.
Why must it be when I am over my fears and ready to be happy with my love that I must feel as if all is lost to me for good? WHY must I love someone who may never have truly loved me?
I just want to be loved and not feel dead anymore and to know that when someone says they are in love with me and want me that they mean it and will back it up with actions not just say the words. Maybe it is better to be lost and alone then to somewhat alive and feel your heart be crushed on floor by the one person who knows you better than anyone else and who you have loved for so long that its like breathing to you. I regret my part in our problems but if I have to lose him again then I would rather be dead and alone then to be alive and feel so cold again knowing I do not have the one who lets me be me and who has meant so much to me for so long.
so here i go wondering which way i am to go and if my love ever cared or not and feeling alone in the world again but this time not because i pushed it away but because i tried to be good and get better and just got hurt for it.
the good side is still out for i keep being open about how I feel and want and letting people in though I hate it. I hate being torn inside and just want to be happy again like I was at the start of last year when I had my love holding me and we could talk and trust each other.
To be alone is a feeling I hate for I have been there way too much in my past yet at least before I did not feel pain or as if my world was gone.
Why must it be when I am over my fears and ready to be happy with my love that I must feel as if all is lost to me for good? WHY must I love someone who may never have truly loved me?
I just want to be loved and not feel dead anymore and to know that when someone says they are in love with me and want me that they mean it and will back it up with actions not just say the words. Maybe it is better to be lost and alone then to somewhat alive and feel your heart be crushed on floor by the one person who knows you better than anyone else and who you have loved for so long that its like breathing to you. I regret my part in our problems but if I have to lose him again then I would rather be dead and alone then to be alive and feel so cold again knowing I do not have the one who lets me be me and who has meant so much to me for so long.
so here i go wondering which way i am to go and if my love ever cared or not and feeling alone in the world again but this time not because i pushed it away but because i tried to be good and get better and just got hurt for it.
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